Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Monkalong V: The Deadening

Mission accomplished!  We've finished The Monk!  At least, I hope you have; I know I did.  Here's
the final installment:

We last left Ambrosio in the now-familiar crypt, where he has interred Antonia.  Everybody thinks she's dead, and he plans to keep her imprisoned in a dungeon where she can be his slave.  He thinks she will probably enjoy it!  Antonia wakes up, and surprise, she is not very happy with her situation.  Ambrosio, monster that he is, therefore goes ahead and rapes her.  Of course then he looks at her with revulsion and blames her for the whole thing--yes, according to him, it is Antonia's fault that Ambrosio is a depraved criminal.  He's trying to figure out how to get rid of her when Matilda bursts in with the news about the burning nunnery and everyone running around like mad.

Matilda offers to kill Antonia to get her out of the way, but Antonia manages to run away into the rest of the crypt, where she screams to attract attention.  Unfortunately Ambrosio gets to her first and stabs her, so that Lorenzo only finds his true love near death.  She does get to explain, so he knows all--and discovers both the monk and Matilda, who is a girl!  Off to the Inquisition with them!

Now Virginia and Agnes are spending a lot of time together, and Agnes tells the story of her imprisonment, which is pretty grim.  She and Raymond get married; Virginia and Lorenzo get to be very good friends and will marry sometime; and the other two are being put to the question in prison. 

Well, Ambrosio is.  Matilda appears to him in a vision, looking ravishingly beautiful, and announces that she has escaped by selling her soul to Satan.  If he does too, they can be together!  Ambrosio hesitates, but in the end he is too much of a coward to face his punishment.  Just before he's taken to execution, he makes a pact with Satan, who whisks him off to a cliff...and then reveals, in a speech in the best Evil Villain tradition, that a) Matilda was a demon sent to tempt him (and "scarcely could I propose crimes so quick as you performed them"), b) Elvira was his mother and Antonia his sister, and c) now he's going to die and go to Hell, since he forgot to stipulate anything about living once he'd escaped from prison.  The joke's on you, Ambrosio!  The end.

Well, that was a story that, taken all together, was pretty dang crazy.  Unhinged, in fact.  Thanks a bunch to Alice at Reading Rambo for hosting, because that was quite fun in a deranged sort of way.  Ambrosio is THE WORST.


Chris bookarama said...

Ambrosio is definitely the worst. And not very smart. Ask for eternal life or something first, dude.

Red said...

There were a few moments where I thought Ambrosio was going to redeem himself. Like, he'd stop before raping Antonia (NOPE). He'd realize what a monster he was for what he'd done (NOPE). He'd come to terms with his guilt while being tortured for his crimes (NOT EVEN KINDA!). I hate him.

Reading Rambo said...

"Ambrosio = Worst" would be a modern title for this book.

Anonymous said...

Ambrosio IS the worst. My favorite was when Antonia sort of talks him into not murdering or imprisoning her by swearing she'll never ever ever ever ever tell, and then Matilda's like "LET'S MURDER HER THO!" so they do. Ahahahaha this is the worst book in the world.

Anonymous said...

Fortunately we all agree that Ambrosio is the worst. This book isn't though! I had a great time.

glynis said...

Unhinged and deranged are both EXCELLENT descriptors for this bizarro book. Everything that could have happened happened and it was all insane.

Down with Ambrosio.

Megs said...

"Everybody thinks she's dead, and he plans to keep her imprisoned in a dungeon where she can be his slave. He thinks she will probably enjoy it!"

Ahahahahahaha! I had to stop reading and tell you that this is the best. He totally did. He convinced himself that she would be amenable to the idea of sexing with him next to rotting corpses.