Monday, February 16, 2015

Texts From Jane Eyre

Texts From Jane Eyre, by Mallory Ortberg

SO FUNNY.  There, that is my opinion of this collection of texts from famous literary characters.  Mallory Ortberg writes The Toast, which I don't exactly subscribe to because there's more profanity than I like, but which I have often enjoyed perusing because it's very funny, mostly about art history, or literature, or history in general. It makes me extra happy to find humor about classic literature.

I would love to quote half this book at you but it's not easy, because it's all little texts.  But here is one installment of Edgar Allan Poe.

hey
where are you?
hi
where are you?
you're like two hours late
it's almost midnight
I can't get out of the house right now
Is your car blocked?
do you need a ride?
no
it's like
there's this bird
there's a bird on your car?
no he's sitting on my statue
it's like
mm it just keeps looking at me
got those fiery bird eyes
you know?
what?
fired up eyebirds
you know
like how when a bird looks at you so much
that you can't leave the house
that's
no
that's never happened to me
well it's happening like crazy over here
so i have to keep looking at him
it might take a while
oh and plus i fell asleep reading
i was asleep for like an hour
i literally just woke up
and now i have this bird thing to deal with
so i don't think i'm going to make it tonight
sorry hun :)

They are nearly all hysterical.  Medea is really good, and William Blake is a hoot, and HAMLET, and there's The Yellow Wallpaper which is freaky.  Also Nancy Drew!

Everybody who likes books should read it.

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